Announcing the arrival of Pocket Guy. Ladies, this is an advertisement targeting women of all ages who suffer at the hands of Dismiss the Female Syndrome (DFS). Do you find yourself repeatedly in situations where your words and opinions fall on deaf male ears? Do you hear the men in your orbit repeating your great ideas as if they were their own? Well, stop evaporating into the wallpaper. Stop struggling with being erased. Pull Pocket Guy out of your pocket, briefcase, or purse, place the puppet on your hand, and begin to talk. Watch the men in the room snap to attention as Pocket Guy penetrates their DFS defenses, providing just the right amount of gender-bending testosterone illusion for men to absorb your message.
In Chemistry Class. Say you’re in a high school Chemistry Class. You’re the only girl on a four-person lab team. Lab-Boy #1 flips the laboratory worksheet your way, complete with a chewed-up Number 2 pencil, and barks, “You, girl, take notes.” Stop. Take a deep Zen breath. DFS has infected your team. Yank Pocket Guy out of your backpack. Shift your voice to baritone and let Pocket Guy take over. “It’s your turn to play scribe, Big Boy,” Pocket Guy orders, flipping back the worksheet and half-eaten pencil.
Guy shapes up the disorderly group: “Put on your safety glasses, get gloved, and you over there, start prepping the titrations.” Thanks to Pocket Guy, your team will score yet another A+.
At the Computer Store. It’s imperative that you bring Pocket Guy when shopping for computer supplies. This Bro-land, a breeding ground for DFS, supports minimal bandwidth for the female soul. Enter with Pocket Guy already in hand. Then, merge seamlessly into the computer culture. Pocket Guy bumps fists with Jamal and, fluent in computer dialect, banters, “Hey man, I need a new gaming laptop that can also handle some light video editing. No GPU lower than a 3050 Ti – I’d prefer a 3060, but I know the ’50 is trash. Also, I need an 8-core CPU or better. What’s the best deal you got?”
Waves will part as sales associates scramble over squawking headsets to locate every item on Guy’s list. Thanks to Pocket Guy, you’ll leave confident that you’ve scored top-of-the-line products at competitive prices.
At the office Work Team Meeting. Pocket Guy is a must at a Work Team Meeting. Say you spend the entire night dissecting the latest work proposal. On page 368, you find an error in the data that will cost your company 30 million dollars. At the team meeting the following day, you spend an hour struggling to point out this crucial mistake, only to be talked down and man-splained by CEO wannabees infected with DFS.
Pull Pocket Guy out of your briefcase. Let Guy take command. “Turn to page 368, paragraph 2. This lousy plan will cost us 30 million.” Eyes and ears fly open as your teammates absorb Guy’s evaluation, tagging it as “prophetic.” With Pocket Guy in hand, another catastrophe is averted. But will you get that promotion?
At the Sports Bar. You’re tossing back a few brewskys after the game. The Bros at the bar eagerly embrace each other’s courtside commentaries while you’re left eating peanuts. Sensing the choking presence of DFS, you open your purse and yank out Pocket Guy. As Guy takes center stage, watch the gang fall silent, entranced by Guy’s post-game analysis. One of the Bros will slap Guy on the back, grateful for Guy’s visionary insights. Toasting Pocket Guy, he’ll gush, “Guy, you’re a welcome addition to our Sport’s Night-out. I’m even willing to back your theories with a little crypto on Fanduel.” Your sports buddy winks at you in a way that suggests you should have a crush on Guy. “Next game night, Honey, bring Guy along.” You’ll smile coyly, “I wouldn’t be without him.”
At the Auto Shop. Facing blank stares from a mechanic as you challenge a ridiculous bill? You can bet he’s infected with DFS! Waste no time; pull out Pocket Guy and watch the mechanic sweat, inventing excuses and adjusting over-charges! Let Pocket Guy ask hard questions and nail massive arguments. “Did the brakes really need replacing? How much life was left on the pads? I better inspect the old rotors. And the cabin air filter? Why didn’t you call me first?” With Guy on hand, watch the mechanic blame imaginary villains for the price gouging as he swiftly adjusts the bill with trembling hands. “Oh, yet another mistake made by Gus, our new hire. He doesn’t know the ropes yet. That one? I see your point; it’s Patty’s sloppy bookkeeping. Let me correct that.” Having saved 800 dollars, you drive away, winking at Pocket Guy, who sits beside you, buckled safely in the passenger seat.
A Home Plumbing Emergency. Faced with a dismissive, pushy plumber? “Little Lady, you may think you know the problem. But step aside, Honey, I’ll handle it.” Recognizing a Bro septic with DFS, pull out your home version of Pocket Guy, the one nestled in the cookie jar, and let Guy shift the conversation so miraculously that you swear you’re swimming in the waters of Lourdes. Fixing his gaze on Pocket Guy and mesmerized by Guy’s diagnostic brilliance, the plumber will agree, “So, Guy, you think it might be the drainage pipe leading to the street, clever hypothesis, and I bet you do need a replacement check valve on the sump pump discharge. Guy, let’s try your ideas before we do anything else.” With Guy’s bill-inspection skills closing the visit, Pocket Guy will keep your cash from flowing down your drain.
Order Pocket Guy for the women in your life. Pocket Guy makes an amazing gift for family and friends of all ages. Pocket Guy comes in six and 12-packs—perfect take-home favors for your next wedding or baby shower. We guarantee that one day, with Pocket Guy in hand, you’ll never be without him.
MARY-FRANCES SCHNEIDER 